So, you’ve grown this little baby over the past 9 months, endured the whirlwind adventure known as birthing and you’ve come out the other side with a beautiful bundle of joy.
During pregnancy the focus is on you looking after yourself, resting, putting your feet up and preparing for your new arrival. Once baby arrives the focus changes and shifts towards your new addition. People coo over your baby, shower them with gifts, steal lots of snuggles and offer support to your family with meals, housework or taking older children for play dates.
But who looks after YOU as a Mum? Who holds our Mothers?
Becoming a Mum is…. beautifully chaotic. No one can quite prepare you for the changes, the demands, the noise, the busyness or the emotional rollercoaster that is parenting. From the moment your little love arrives, everything changes. Your priorities, your day to day routine, your freedom and your identity.
You get home from hospital and settle in with your baby. You spend all night and all day responding to their needs and put your own aside. But there comes a time when you NEED to stop, take a breath and take care of you.
"It's not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself and make your happiness a priority. It's necessary"
After a few weeks the visits to meet baby reduce and the support may seem to fade away. Within those first few weeks it is very normal to feel lost, overwhelmed and incredibly emotional. You might feel worn out, exhausted and like a different person.. a lot has changed!
Physically you’ve changed. You carried and provided for your growing baby, YOU did that. You have birthed this tiny little person, YOU did that. You fed and tended to their demands day and night, YOU did that. You wiped their tears away, amongst your own. YOU did that. You are now required to be someone’s everything; every minute, of every day.
Emotionally you’ve changed. You might have had feelings of self doubt at being a Mum, and that’s okay. You might have had feelings of regret that you didn’t travel more, take that job, buy that house before you had kids. That’s okay. You may have overwhelming feelings of anxiety or loneliness, that’s okay. You might feel resentful towards your partner, that they get to leave the house and “have a break” at their workplace, that’s okay.
Mentally you’ve changed. You now have to put your needs and priorities to the side for this vulnerable little person, but YOU still matter. You might feel trapped and unable to communicate this with other adults, but YOU still matter. You might have days where you wish you were the old you and you miss her. YOU still matter.
There is A LOT of change that occurs when you become a parent. None of us know what we are doing, we all at some point feel like we are treading water and just surviving the day. So, what is self care? What does it really mean?
Self care is just that, it’s taking care of YOU. You’ll hear people say that you can’t pour from an empty cup, that you need to look after number one. It may feel like a distant goal to have some alone time, some quiet time to reflect and recharge. However you find peace and quiet, however you find mental and emotional clarity you need to make it a priority. Self care is a necessity, not a luxury. Caring for yourself can be challenging for so many of us. It can come with feelings of guilt; wanting to spend time away from your baby or partner, feelings of selfishness that you want to do something just for you. These are all very normal feelings and thoughts. I highly recommend incorportating self care into your daily routine from the get go. It might be as small as a 10min walk around the block by yourself, a hot shower while someone holds your baby. It could be a cuppa in the sun with a book, meditation or a hot bath with a glass of wine. Increase the time as your baby grows – you might start to venture out to a gym class, go for a bike ride, book a babysitter and have a date with your partner. Make a plan for both you and your partner to fit in self care on a regular basis.
Self care might be:
Asking for help
Spending time alone
Putting yourself first
Asking for what you need
Setting boundaries
Staying at home
Saying “no”
Forgiving yourself
Taking a step back
Everyone has a different way in which they look after themselves. Some may exercise, others might go fishing or meditate. You might treat yourself to a haircut or massage. It might be meeting a friend for a cuppa. It doesn’t matter what it is, as long as it is for YOU. Factoring in time for yourself each day is good for the soul. It allows you to catch a break, to physically leave the house, leave your baby with someone else and just be.
Your mental health is so important to function in day to day life. How you are feeling reflects how you can cope with challenges both big and small. Be kind to yourself; you are doing the best you can and to your little person that is more than enough.
If you need any additional information or support please feel free to contact me at amy@littledreamers.co.nz to book in a FREE 15 minute phone consultation to talk about what is happening for your baby and how we help.
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