Crying for a Reason: Decoding Your Baby’s Different Cries

Your Baby’s Different Cries - What do they mean?

Yes, you heard that right - there are different cries. The amount of times I can register saying ‘we’ve got real tears’ or ‘what is that cry?’ as I have been giving comfort to my little ones. Understanding what these different cries mean will give you all the tools you need to adapt your response effectively and meet their needs with confidence.

They’ve finally nodded off, hot coffee in hand ready to park up and your little one has realised you’re not there and has started to cry. It started as a grizzle, is on and off, became a bit emotional, stop and start. And you’re left wondering if they need you, is it too premature for you to go in, how long do you wait and how much is too much?

As a new parent, one of the biggest challenges is figuring out what on earth they need! You’re working through a list of things to try and calm them down but it can also be quite overwhelming for you. We get it - crying can be really triggering and flood you with feelings of anxiety or overhwlem. That’s why having the knowledge of how to respond will be your greatest kept secret to parent-life.

Why do babies cry?

Babies cry for many reasons, and while it may feel overwhelming at first, their cries often follow specific patterns and reasons including:

• Hunger

• Tiredness

• Discomfort (wet nappy, too hot, too cold, gas)

• Overstimulation cry

• Illness

• Need support and comfort for a resettle

An important part of understanding the cry is knowing that your little one crying is them communicating to you. Understanding whether it is a mantra (grizzle/protest) cry or emotional (consistent/distressed) will be the key to you knowing how best to support them with comfort and connection.

What is the difference between mantra & emotional crying?

Mantra crying is what we would describe as rhythmic and repetitive when they are in protest and is often a cry they do to settle themselves to sleep at the beginning or during a sleep cycle. It is your little one’s way of acknowledging that the settling is different from what they know and they are trying. Some characteristics of mantra crying:

• Rhythmic & Repetitive: It often follows a pattern with some pauses in between.

• Lower in Intensity: It doesn't escalate like a cry of pain, hunger or discomfort.

• No Signs of Distress: Your little one isn't flailing, arching their back, or showing other signs of being upset.

  
  

A baby’s mantra crying helps them transition between sleep cycles, it is also a self-soothing technique that they develop naturally.

Have you ever heard your little one let out some little moans, grizzles or sobs during the night that is unlike them? Totally normal. Mantra cries are partial rouses between different stages of REM sleep. If you’re looking at the camera thinking they have just woken up, they may in fact still be asleep even with tossing from side to side and their eyelids flickering.

Emotional crying is your little one’s way of signalling that something isn’t right and they need you for some support. It is intense and escalates with very little breaks between cries and tears. They can appear distressed and frustrated (which they probably are!). When it comes to supporting our little one’s at the point of emotional crying it is really important to allow them that safe space with you to open and share their feelings. As you are providing comfort and connection, it is not your role to make them stop crying but allow them to communicate to us as much as they need to. That emotional cry can be triggering for us to hear (and of course that’s okay), but know that crying is communication, not manipulation. Responding to them with warmth and consistency will help them feel safe and secure.

As humans we are biologically wired to respond to our little one’s cries. So when you hear them cry – even for a few minutes – your nervous system reacts. That is why how you support yourself during spaced soothing is just as important as the plan you follow. You are the calm to their storm and they will feed off your energy. You cannot co-regulate if you are dysregulated yourself. 

So how can you respond?

• Assess the Need - listen to the cry if they are hungry, uncomfortable (leg stuck in the side of the cot), or overtired

  
  

• Provide comfort & connection - how do they respond when they see/hear you? Are they too stimulated if you pick them to provide comfort (eg pushing off you) or can you work on some in-cot/bassinet support and verbal reassurance? Adapt your approach to what they need.

  
  

• Calmness & Consistency - whether you are supporting them with mantra crying or an emotional cry, remember that you are the calm to their storm. They will regulate their emotions from what they see, hear and feel from you. Ensure you are consistent with your approach to support their settling & re-settling. Chopping and changing how you support them will only make them more confused.

If you are trying to understand your baby’s crying in support of them independently settling, or re-settling, then know that this takes time, patience and consistency. Each little one is different and how you support your second child may be entirely different to how you supported your first born. There is no right or wrong, trust your instincts and however you choose to support them (whether it’s feeding to sleep, rocking, swaying, assisted naps) is your choice.

There are no such thing as bad habits when it comes to supporting your baby. How ever you choose to support them now can be changed when it’s no longer working for you and your family.

If you need some sleep support and you are ready to make a change our team of experts are here for you! Book a discovery call and let's chat about your little one's sleep and how we can help your family get the rest you all need to thrive.